I Was My Father (Dream Note)

December 5 2015 Windfall 101

I was my father
Dressed in an old hospital gown and pajamas,
Shuffling barefoot and alone in the brightly-lit ward
As I made my way to the stairs.

I was my father
Finding my navy blue station wagon
In the hospital’s vacant parking lot,
The vehicle unlocked and devoid of my wife and kids.

I was my father
Sliding into the driver’s seat on that bright spring day,
Accepting that the Ford started itself without a key
And shifted into gear as I gently held the wheel.

On empty suburban New Jersey streets,
My vehicle crept toward a home I no longer recalled,
The transmission failing as I wondered why,
Where everyone had gone, and how I was going.

I was my father
Again sitting behind my wheel
Looking at my quiet streets
From my vacant parking lot
Outside my empty hospital
In my station wagon without my wife or kids
On my sunny afternoon.

I was my father
In my driver’s seat,
Gently releasing my steering wheel
In my now eternally-parked wagon…

I was my father’s last dream
As my night gently became noon;
Sunlight streaming through my curtain,
His love streaming through my soul.

 

One Year On (This Path)

Santa Fe November 10 2015 051

One year on (this path)
Boredom has evolved into stillness,
Solitude has blossomed into love,
Desperation has evolved into miracles.

Evolving, evolving, evolving
Beyond the interpersonal
Beyond the material
Into even more spiritual.

From monk to spouse
A 2200 mile wide house
Not big enough
For this love, this life.

We see with our DNA
Angels lining our path
And we hear their gentle whispers.

One year on (this path)
And our way is not plotted
Though it’s so much clearer than
It’s ever been.

One year on
Of Fox and Owl,
Of “coolness,”
Of “fantabulous,”
Of “dude”
As our path
Went from
Windfall to Tempe,
Sedona to Seattle,
Philadelphia to Maine,
Santa Fe to Niagara Falls:
She and me to The Lovers.

 

 

 

 

Goodnight, Paris. I Love You.

November 13 2015 Windfall 033

“Goodnight, Paris. I love you,”
My daughter Lillian said
After I tucked her in.

Like me, she knew not
The names
The weapons
The ideology
Or the details.

And like me,
She knows only love.

And, like her,
I knew that
Who they were
didn’t matter.
What they used
didn’t matter.
What principles
they espoused
didn’t matter.
What religion
they followed
didn’t matter.

I know who they are,
having seen them
so many times
before on my path:
Always different
in some ways.
Always the same
in just one way.

And, like my daughter,
I know exactly how
to deal with them.

Goodnight, Paris.
I love you…
Sending in The Angels.

Barbeque with a Side of Poetry (Hold the LSD): Halloween 2015

October 31 2015 Windfall 077

Ribs,
Pulled pork,
Barbeque chicken
Filled my plate, my stomach.
My ears were filled by
The Eagles singing
About living in
That fast
Lane.

A
Paper
Tablecloth
Was my Tabula Rosa,
A
Crayon
Was a pen,
Was then MY pen.

Barbeque with poetry
(Hold the LSD):
My soul, gut
Full.
I smiled,
Seeing words
Dancing across
The brown paper.

Was
All so
Funny, so
Nicely surreal.
A blissful journey:
Barbeque and poetry
(That was now my LSD).
Muses dancing with
Me in Callears as
I ate, indulged
With these
Folks.

The
Quiet
Couple
At the next
Table, enjoying
Their Texas Briskets
As I watched their meal,
Watching their hands
Talk with forks
And nodding
Their heads
(A “Yes”
Now).

There’s
The family:
Dad, Mom, Sis,
And Sis gazing at
Their menus. Sis One
Has a Smartphone and
Is again checking
For some thing
Soon ignored
As Mom
Talks.

And then
The Eagles sang,
The background music
Like a lyrical invitation
For my crayon pen
To dance out
Words.

Whilst
My world
Was prepared
For Halloween,
For Smartphones,
I was just living poetry
And looking beneath
The masks all over
My world today
(Again, again)
As I ate ribs
And was.

My
Poetry:
My mask.
My worlds:
My salvation,
A perfect balance.
Writing is straddling
Both waking and dreams
Both thinking and feeling
Both movement and stillness.
Barbeque, tunes, and poems
Amidst plastic plates
Will eternally
Kick ass.

Breaking Gravity (Breaking Drag)

PHX to PHL to ELM October 11 2015 028

Held down by our heaviness,
The drag of our inertia,
The weight of our fears,
The burden of our baggage,
We stay tight to our world.
We fight to remain not only grounded
But so firmly attached to our idea of life
That movement is impossible.

In the laws of spiritual metaphysics,
Propulsion and lift
Overcome
Gravity and drag.

Propel, propel, propel!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By all you have achieved,
By the infinite ways
You’ve
Survived and thrived
When
Measured ONLY against you!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By the love and other gifts
You
Are giving!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By your drive to be, love, and grow!

Lift, lift, lift!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted
By those who love you
Whether
They be animal, human, or spirit!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted
By the gifts you are receiving!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted by those who
Believe in you (even when you won’t)!

Build your runway
From your dreams
To run down
At full speed,
With all your passion,
With all your energy,
With all your faith and surrender!

Sleek and streamlined,
Feel the air glide
Over
Your body, mind, soul, and life
And create a cushion beneath you:
Watch your wheels lift off,
Watch your ground break away,
Watch your old world fall away,
And
Watch your sky approach!

BeDoKnow (A Chant)

September 26 2015 173

BeDoKnow                                                Love
KnowBelieveBreathe                            Love
BreatheEmbraceFeel                            Love
FeelLoveNow                                           Love
BreatheLoveNow                                    Love
KnowLoveNow                                        Love
BreatheLoveNow                                    Love
BeLoveNow.                                             Love

BeDoKnow…                                             LoveLoveLove

I Apologize 2 No 1

September 26 2015 111

I Apologize
2no1
4 being
Even IF.

I apologize
2no1
4 being
Even IF
My being makes
U uncomfortable.

I apologize
2no1
4 living beyond
My past pain
4 loving beyond
My past loves
Even IF
U can’t embrace that.

I apologize
2no1
4 not being good enough
4 not being man enough
4 not being nurturing enough
Even IF
U can’t honor my path.

I apologize
2no1
4 knowing souls
4 dancing with spirits
4 experiencing other’s feelings
Even IF
That scares
U
And doesn’t fit
In your narrow mind.

I apologize
2no1
4 being like a tree
4 reaching skyward
4 growing deeper my roots
Even IF
U can’t be inspired,
U can’t grow, and
U can’t be alive.

I apologize
2no1
4 being a grounded dreamer
4 writing my soul
4 the worlds inside my head
Even IF
U judge,
U mock, and
U condemn.

I apologize
2no1
4 really loving me
Even IF
U r envious
U can’t be a miracle, and
U can’t embrace miracles.

I apologize
2no1
4 embracing bliss
Even IF
U flock to pain,
U welcome hurt, and
U seek out disappointment.

I apologize
2no1
4 honoring U
4 honoring your path,
Even IF
U can’t give 2 me
The same honors.

Sunset on Puget Sound

October 3 2015 Edmonds 166

Sunset on Puget Sound

Setting sun
Leaves its day behind
Mountain.

Mountain waits
For moon
And its night.

Moon
Brightens
Bay.

Bay
Calms
Sea.

Above bay,
Birds squawk
Making moon smile.

Sun must go
And
Bring its day
To
Others.

Mountain
Must stay behind,
Watching day
And
Night.

Moon
Chases
Sun across sky
Without
Fail or success.

Bay and sea
Share waters;
Eternal kisses
Lapping at shore.

The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych

May 23 2015 165

The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych

A night of dreams
A night of visions
A night of hells
One upon
One upon
One
They seeped
Into
My dream world,
The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych.

Behold the first:
Overhead a helicopter flew
Then
Another
Another
Another;
The air now filled
By
Swarming mechanized gnats
Dodging
Flying
Creating
Aggressive war visuals
That killed in the skies
That killed on the lands
That killed in the waters
Whilst
I, with perfect hair
I, with perfect t-shirt
I, with perfect jeans
Worked on my hot rod
On that summer’s day
And knew killing would take me.

A night of dreams
A night of visions
A night of hells
One upon
One upon
One
They invaded
My dream world,
The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych.
Behold the second:
A great white light erased
Copters, warriors, and car
As
I stood
Watching Earth and Sky
Join in a bright white light
Vaporizing all matter
Like a celestial laser beam
Growing in a lethal ripple
In whiteness hotter than fire.
No flames did burn
As all matter instead vaporized
Into whiteness.
I smiled and waited
For
Devouring light
To consume
Earth,
To consume
Sky,
To consume
Me.

A night of dreams
A night of visions
A night of hells
One upon
One upon
One
They devoured
My dream world,
The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych.

Behold the third:
Whiteness became lush green
From the back
Of the stake truck
I rode in the jungle
With my son
As
A horde of monkeys,
Starving,
Emerged
From everywhere.
“The animals are king,”
I said,
“We are their meals
As we occupy the bottom
Of nature’s food
Chain.”
They feasted on him,
They feasted on the driver,
Leaving room for dessert:
Me.

A night of dreams
A night of visions
A night of hells
One upon
One upon
One
They defined
My dream world,
The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych
Consumed me by aggressive men
Consumed me by celestial disaster
Consumed me by ravenous animals:
Yet,
My serenity remained unshaken;
Yet,
My faith remained unshaken;
Yet,
My love remained unshaken:
One upon
One upon
One
These gifts define
My path beyond
The Apocalyptic Dream Triptych.

The Lynx, The King, The World (Lights within Shining)

July 14 2015 Sedona and Phoenix 093

The lynx, the king, the world
(Lights within shining):
No simple trio,
These three
Making themselves known
In
A brilliant burst
Of
Light
Like a volcanic rainbow
Descending
From the Heavens,
Ascending
From the Earth:
Heaven to Earth,
Earth to Heaven
Celestial current
Passing through
Me,
A spiritual wire my body.

Behold
The spirit manifesting
The lynx,
The king,
The world.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Voices within calling):
Asking within
Telling within
Showing within
Faster and faster
The insights they bring
Tickle my consciousness
And
Move me beyond thinking
Move me beyond knowing
Move me beyond the mundane
And
Immerse me
In the profound stillness
Of this moment unending.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Awareness within emerging):
The secrets within
The secrets without
The secrets of past
The secrets of now
I
See in the faces
Of
Strangers no more,
I
Hear in the unspoken whispers
Of
Wounded children healing,
I
Touch in the flesh
Of
Still weeping souls.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Trumpets within blaring):
The song within
The dance within
The wonder within:
Be aware
How it connects
The you
To
The me
Vibrating
Vibrating
Vibrating like waves
Across
This universe’s spectrum.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Wonder within growing):
The eternal immersion
In
The
World of wonder
So
Taken by the what ifs,
So
Taken by the how thens,
So
Taken by the new worlds
Opening
All around me.
I,
No longer the hermit
No longer ashamed
No longer desperate
No longer
The lone
Prisoner
Of
My prisoner’s perspective:
HA
HA
HA!

The lynx, the king, the world
(Limbs within moving):
Dancing among abundance
Celebrating
All
That is good,
All
That is right,
All
That is blissful
As
The tower collapses
And
Brings
Evolution,
Bliss,
Redemption.