This Me

IMG-1871-1 A Storm Builds (Sedona, December 27 2018)

I want to again hear my name called out
From the depths of Hell
To be again summoned to fights demons
I want to again smell their deaths

I want to again cry tears of blood
And feel lightening tearing through my viscera
As it renders me a charred heap

I want to again feel the sound of bones cracking
As steel stone and fist peel my flesh away
Tearing apart my organs

I want to again stand naked in the blizzard
And watch my skin turn purple and black
Against the white-out enveloping me

I want to again hear my throat scream words
No one else hears in the hell that consumes and decimates
As I am again crushed in humiliating defeat
And reduced to grains of sand blown
By the winds
That had once been confined deep within this me

I want to again rage up against the ferocious storms
That flood the valleys and level the mountains
And gives desperation and despair new meaning
Dismembering me as I fight will all my fury
To stop the tidal waves and rebuild the mountains

Soon I will go into that evil night
With sword and wits sharpened
Ready to spill blood and sip wine
In the name of love and self-loathing
Of never feeling good enough for this or that
Until after being put beyond the harshest test
And again emerging miraculously intact

How I await the darkness to wage incessant war
On all my remaining haunting fears
Each moment my serenity my rage building
Forging additional weapons for deployment
As my evolution continues

Copyright © 2018 by John David Higham: All Rights Reserved
Photo: Into The Storm (Sedona, 2018)

I Apologize 2 No 1

September 26 2015 111

I Apologize
2no1
4 being
Even IF.

I apologize
2no1
4 being
Even IF
My being makes
U uncomfortable.

I apologize
2no1
4 living beyond
My past pain
4 loving beyond
My past loves
Even IF
U can’t embrace that.

I apologize
2no1
4 not being good enough
4 not being man enough
4 not being nurturing enough
Even IF
U can’t honor my path.

I apologize
2no1
4 knowing souls
4 dancing with spirits
4 experiencing other’s feelings
Even IF
That scares
U
And doesn’t fit
In your narrow mind.

I apologize
2no1
4 being like a tree
4 reaching skyward
4 growing deeper my roots
Even IF
U can’t be inspired,
U can’t grow, and
U can’t be alive.

I apologize
2no1
4 being a grounded dreamer
4 writing my soul
4 the worlds inside my head
Even IF
U judge,
U mock, and
U condemn.

I apologize
2no1
4 really loving me
Even IF
U r envious
U can’t be a miracle, and
U can’t embrace miracles.

I apologize
2no1
4 embracing bliss
Even IF
U flock to pain,
U welcome hurt, and
U seek out disappointment.

I apologize
2no1
4 honoring U
4 honoring your path,
Even IF
U can’t give 2 me
The same honors.

The Lynx, The King, The World (Lights within Shining)

July 14 2015 Sedona and Phoenix 093

The lynx, the king, the world
(Lights within shining):
No simple trio,
These three
Making themselves known
In
A brilliant burst
Of
Light
Like a volcanic rainbow
Descending
From the Heavens,
Ascending
From the Earth:
Heaven to Earth,
Earth to Heaven
Celestial current
Passing through
Me,
A spiritual wire my body.

Behold
The spirit manifesting
The lynx,
The king,
The world.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Voices within calling):
Asking within
Telling within
Showing within
Faster and faster
The insights they bring
Tickle my consciousness
And
Move me beyond thinking
Move me beyond knowing
Move me beyond the mundane
And
Immerse me
In the profound stillness
Of this moment unending.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Awareness within emerging):
The secrets within
The secrets without
The secrets of past
The secrets of now
I
See in the faces
Of
Strangers no more,
I
Hear in the unspoken whispers
Of
Wounded children healing,
I
Touch in the flesh
Of
Still weeping souls.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Trumpets within blaring):
The song within
The dance within
The wonder within:
Be aware
How it connects
The you
To
The me
Vibrating
Vibrating
Vibrating like waves
Across
This universe’s spectrum.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Wonder within growing):
The eternal immersion
In
The
World of wonder
So
Taken by the what ifs,
So
Taken by the how thens,
So
Taken by the new worlds
Opening
All around me.
I,
No longer the hermit
No longer ashamed
No longer desperate
No longer
The lone
Prisoner
Of
My prisoner’s perspective:
HA
HA
HA!

The lynx, the king, the world
(Limbs within moving):
Dancing among abundance
Celebrating
All
That is good,
All
That is right,
All
That is blissful
As
The tower collapses
And
Brings
Evolution,
Bliss,
Redemption.

When the Mountain in You Moves (When the Mountain Comes Alive in You)

When the Mountain in You Moves

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you)
And
You know that you know
Beyond words
Beyond thoughts
Beyond feelings,
You are strong beyond strength
Aware beyond aware
In the here
In the now
As boundaries
Between
You and me,
Between
Them and us
Evaporate.

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you)
And
The mountain in you quakes,
Shattering strata
That have settled and pressed
With all the weight of your fear
With all the weight of your inertia
With all the weight of your loss
With all the weight of your shame
With all the weight of your regret
With all the weight of your disappointment
With all the weight of your grief.

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you),
It does not hear
It does not regard
It does not abide
All the trees and grasses
That found purchase
In the compromises of your soul
In the compromises of your body
In the compromises of your mind.

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you)
In
Unison
With sun and moon,
In
Unison
With Raven, Eagle and Owl,
In
Unison
With love and acceptance,
In
Unison
With faith and surrender;
You will know beyond thinking
You will listen beyond hearing
You will speak beyond talking
And love beyond feeling.

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you),
You will make
And
Erase valleys,
Crush oaks
And
Scatter new seeds
In
Your time
Of
Your liquid bedrock.

When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you)
And
You create fresh sands
And
New peaks to look upon your world,
No dreams of stone
No dreams of mud
No dreams are needed,
And when who you were
Is
No longer needed by who you now are,
Then you are
The mountain you need to be
The mountain you must be
For another momentary eternity
Until
When the mountain in you moves
(When the mountain comes alive in you)
Once again…