Sister’s Voice (Heal)

January 11 2016 PHX PHL WFL 673 Modfied

The night that brought me sister’s voice
Was dead quiet and still as those
Midnights when Mom made her terror all mine
Over four decades and two dozen lives ago

Sister’s voice was also as quiet and still
As she talked about fear and death and failure
Just as Mom had when calmly referencing hitmen and demons
Though instead of sitting on my bed in Fassett
Her voice was thousands of miles away

Prayers and love and concern sent with all my might
Could not erase that fear from her voice
Any more than my aggression and abuse could
Calm Mom’s rising fears and pervasive terror
All those years ago

Sister, sister where have you gone
Why are you back in the hell we once knew
I couldn’t protect you then and I can’t protect you now
From the you running deeper into your darkest head

The growing split that tore her from reality
Made perfect terrifying sense to her
Just as mine did 41 years ago
When I knew in fear Tony would kill me
If he only had the chance

When I heard her voice over the phone
2018
Did not become
1997
Did not become
1973
Because I no longer am just an orphaned son
Made into the Man of The House
Burning down all around my family
Because I am stronger now
In feeling and being loved
Because I know
About hormones PTSD
Medications TIAs CVAs
Such letters and words
Part of my cells’ memory
Angels told me Sister would emerge
They spoke of turbulence
This warrior I am now summoned
The Universe to help her heal
Quieting those voices that became her fears
As wisdom slowly seeped onto her path
I did as I was told and advised from afar

Sending in Angels
Speaking in Tongues with spirits
Conversing in jargon with siblings nurses
Prayers, chants, lessons, consults
All the time knowing her voice
Would soon heal and return

Sister sister heal now through love
Wisdom flowing through me to you
Across our thousands’ miles
Strengthening your Inner Voice
As I sit alone and meditate
Unlike when I was a child
And could only hear
Hell’s voice inside Mom’s head

 

 

Copyright © 2018 by John David Higham: All Rights Reserved
Photo: Infinity (Lehigh Tunnel)

Goodnight, Paris. I Love You.

November 13 2015 Windfall 033

“Goodnight, Paris. I love you,”
My daughter Lillian said
After I tucked her in.

Like me, she knew not
The names
The weapons
The ideology
Or the details.

And like me,
She knows only love.

And, like her,
I knew that
Who they were
didn’t matter.
What they used
didn’t matter.
What principles
they espoused
didn’t matter.
What religion
they followed
didn’t matter.

I know who they are,
having seen them
so many times
before on my path:
Always different
in some ways.
Always the same
in just one way.

And, like my daughter,
I know exactly how
to deal with them.

Goodnight, Paris.
I love you…
Sending in The Angels.

How Black this Wind That Calls Me: The Dolphin and Temperance

PHL NOvember 11 2015 066

How black this wind
That calls me
With grass so gray
And sky of ash,
How its cold roar
(Not like that of a lion,
But more an endless avalanche)
Of increasing weight
Binding,
Binding,
Binding
My soul.

It is all too easy now
To forget that I embraced magic,
That Angels had invited me
To their eternal dance,
And that miracles once
Were pebbles on my path.

A younger more foolish me
Back then, I rallied against
Such an oppressive blanket
By tossing it off in masculine anger
And
Running,
Running,
Running
With all my being, all my might
Into the black wind that called me
As I turned
Fear into rage into mastery.

Now, I
Meditate,
Meditate,
Meditate.

Dolphin and Temperance
Come to me.

The Dancing Angels
Tell me to allow the wind
To push me up, down
Along the dead grasses
And invite the sharp air
Into these lungs
And, smile, smile, smile.

I am The Dolphin:
Breathing,
Breathing,
Breathing.

I am Temperance:
Allowing,
Allowing,
Allowing.

I am again magic
In the black wind.

I am again dancing
With The Angels
In the black wind.

I am again miracles
In the black wind.

Her Time

September 20 Kueka Wine Trail 1311

A summer’s night
Solitude evaporated
After the call.
“Tell me what you see,”
Her scared daughter said
Before going to pray.

My body
Knew sensations:
My stomach went tight,
My throat went tight.
My mind started racing,
My heart started pounding,
My tears started flowing.

Breathing
Breathing
Breathing

Back to my here and now
Back to me.
Back to not me.

My head ached
My joints ached
My skin burned.

Breathing
Breathing
Breathing

Back to my here and now.
Back to not me.
But, to she
Whose
Name and pain
I now knew.

My body now running
Under the moon
Around the pear tree,
My mouth now chanting,
“I feel it is her time,
I know it is her time.
Sending in The Angels
Sending in The Light.”

‘Round
‘Round
‘Round
The pear tree, I ran
Beneath
Beneath
Beneath
The full moon
Chanting
Chanting,
Chanting
Until her sad daughter told me
She was now with The Angels.

The Lynx, The King, The World (Lights within Shining)

July 14 2015 Sedona and Phoenix 093

The lynx, the king, the world
(Lights within shining):
No simple trio,
These three
Making themselves known
In
A brilliant burst
Of
Light
Like a volcanic rainbow
Descending
From the Heavens,
Ascending
From the Earth:
Heaven to Earth,
Earth to Heaven
Celestial current
Passing through
Me,
A spiritual wire my body.

Behold
The spirit manifesting
The lynx,
The king,
The world.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Voices within calling):
Asking within
Telling within
Showing within
Faster and faster
The insights they bring
Tickle my consciousness
And
Move me beyond thinking
Move me beyond knowing
Move me beyond the mundane
And
Immerse me
In the profound stillness
Of this moment unending.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Awareness within emerging):
The secrets within
The secrets without
The secrets of past
The secrets of now
I
See in the faces
Of
Strangers no more,
I
Hear in the unspoken whispers
Of
Wounded children healing,
I
Touch in the flesh
Of
Still weeping souls.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Trumpets within blaring):
The song within
The dance within
The wonder within:
Be aware
How it connects
The you
To
The me
Vibrating
Vibrating
Vibrating like waves
Across
This universe’s spectrum.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Wonder within growing):
The eternal immersion
In
The
World of wonder
So
Taken by the what ifs,
So
Taken by the how thens,
So
Taken by the new worlds
Opening
All around me.
I,
No longer the hermit
No longer ashamed
No longer desperate
No longer
The lone
Prisoner
Of
My prisoner’s perspective:
HA
HA
HA!

The lynx, the king, the world
(Limbs within moving):
Dancing among abundance
Celebrating
All
That is good,
All
That is right,
All
That is blissful
As
The tower collapses
And
Brings
Evolution,
Bliss,
Redemption.

Angel Sleep

Angel Sleep 6 16 15

At night
My back
‘Gainst the sheets
My arms
Spread wide
My hands
Hanging over
Bed’s edges.

It is now
I pray
It is now
I seek
Angels
Visions
Escorts into Dreamtime.

How forgetful, I
Not finding them
At first
Then walking with them
In twisted landscapes
In people
All visiting
From the waking world.

At sunrise
My side
‘Gainst the sheets
My fingers cupped
Held
Close to my face
It is now
I pray
It is now
I seek
Angels
Visions
Escorts into a waking world.

I see them
I feel them
In twisted landscapes
In spirits
All visiting
From the dream world.
They
Speak with no words
Think with no thoughts
Know beyond empathy.

I, the intuitive one
Alone at my keyboard
As they
Gather and pass
Gather and pass
Gather and pass
With Light
With Truth
Passing through
This body’s envelope
At least for one
Eternal moment longer.

A Ghost, A Demon, A Poltergeist (A How-To Poem)

Ghosts

When
Your body feels chills
Your head aches
Your stomach roils
And
You’ve
No virus
No fever
No sickness.

When
Hammers fling off a ladder
By themselves.

When
Cold spots
Develop in a warm house.

When
Floorboards creak
Under the weight of thin air.

When
Moans and cries
Fill the empty silence
And
Your pets respond
To
Someone
Something
Some one thing
You cannot see
You cannot touch
But
You do feel
You do know
You do sense
That
Creeping, creeping, creeping
Evil and angst
That immerses
You in your fears
That immerses you
In all those hells
You
Keep so far inside.

Perhaps
(Just perhaps)
Your fortress has been breached
A barrier has blocked your light
And
Your soul is on the verge of being violated
By
An unwanted evil spirit.

A ghost
A demon
A poltergeist:
The label is unimportant.

A ghost
A demon
A poltergeist:
Your hell is becoming you.

A ghost
A demon
A poltergeist:
Its presence overwhelming
Its fear paralyzing.

What to do?
What to do?
What to do?

How
Can you cleanse
A space so polluted?
How
Can you purify
A space so soiled?

Ask!
Ask the evil spirit!
Ask!

“Are you
Of
Christ?”
“Are you
Of
The Great Spirit?”
“Are you
Of
The Angels?”

If
“No,”
The denial sensed,
The spirit wincing,
As if recoiling in fear and pain,
Then
Proclaim
With complete faith
Proclaim
With absolute conviction
“In the name of Christ, be gone!”
“In the name of The Great Spirit, be gone!”
“In the name of The Angels, be gone!”
(Whichever faith calls you home).

Be
Prepared
For
The bastard prick
The spirit bitch
Slamming things
Pounding walls
Emitting wailing.

If need be,
Find
Sage to burn
Find
Angels to fill
The violated space
Until
Serenity returns
And
Ghost
Demon
Poltergeist
Becomes the past.