Stillness Now

stillness in the form
of the hawk circling
above aging headstones
and my timeless love

warm sun embraces
the tops of my bare feet
and the grass–their grass
tickles my toes and soles

i am here now with them
meditating at their resting places
breathing with none
of the urgency–of the fear
they had so freely given me
when they walked Earth

the sun drifts lower
as evergreens and the hawk
protect me and my breath

yet i feel safer with Mom and Dad
hearing them speak
directing me to tell
my brother how much they love him
sharing that greatness
is headed my way
confident that my ex
will do well in her new life

hawk, trees, sun
all breathing with
my bare feet resting
in the warm cozy grass

literally grounded right now
i re-affirm my pledge
to not get wrapped up in doing
and instead endeavor
to embrace being

stillness now
forever now

Without Pen (No Life I)

There calls me
Solitude needs me
I need nothing
I need no one

Pen in my hand
I am complete
Soul bursting to leak out
Without Pen
(No life I)

Words, approximations
Of here and now
Moments lost
Like unrepentant ghosts
This soul I bleed
Through my pen’s point
In life’s forests

Without a word
(No life I)
Instead living without description
Sensing without meaning
Flowing into a void
So lost so dead

My letters are my words
Are my sentences are my paragraphs
Are my pages are my books
Are my collections
Are my soul are my essence
Growing to places beyond
The ground scraping
My belly and the sun
Burning my skin

I am
I am me
I am you
I am us just then
In that blessed union
Of pen to paper
Of fingertip to keyboard
Of words
Of worlds
Joining me to you
Though no one can compete
With all those worlds
Inside my head
That I keep discovering
While contemplating
No one living being

Still I shall
Leave you crumbs
Shaped like letters
On the floor
Of this forest
Read my words
Embrace your worlds
Hurry hurry
Hurry before
Ravens and crows
Eat them all

 

Copyright © 2018 by John David Higham: All Rights Reserved
Photo: EXIT 152 (July 2018)

Sunset Sky Across (The Eternal Rolling Rainbow)

Sunset Sky Aross America 2 2 9 16 007

This angel I am nestled within has wings
Of
Aluminum and titanium
As
I meditate
In
A Full Lotus
At
Thirty-four thousand feet.

Breath in,
Breath out.
Life in,
Life out;
I am
This here and now.

Mindfulness
Like a living thread
Connecting
Me to you,
Me to us,
Me to The Universe.

So far beyond
My silly little body,
My silly little mind,
My silly little life,
My silly little fears;
We are now the sunset sky across,
(The eternal rolling rainbow).
We are of both Earth and Heaven
Painting together
Over our Earth;
See its spectrum
That forms
Above
The abundant farms
And
The bustling cities?
See its spectrum
That forms
Above
The homeless
And
The palatial estates?

We are the eternal rainbow
Within and without.
The banners of colors
Finish our every day
Even
As we wage our inner battles
And
We soften our souls
To
Know even deeper love
Twenty-four thousand times
Each
Moment
As we simultaneous live
Above our own clouds,
After our every dusk,
And through our
Every dark night;
We are this
Eternal rainbow
As we
Move
Across
Our Inner World’s canvas.

Earth and Heaven
And
Silly little us
Painting
The Earth and our Inner World
Over and over again
So that
We can all be love,
So that
We can all embrace it
Beyond
Our little lives
To
Evolve into redeemed beings
Far
Beyond anyone
We
Ever thought possible
And
Live
With utmost faith
And
Total surrender.

Breath in,
Breath out,
Breathe though
Each vibration
And embrace
Each shade of all beings.
Life in,
Life out,
Live the cosmic energy
In
Those sacred spaces
Between Inner World and Earth,
Between Earth and Heaven,
Between sunset and darkness.

We are this life art,
We are this force,
We are this love,
We are this here and now.

Be this beauty of life,
Be this beauty of love,
Be this beauty of light,
Be this beauty of promise,
Be this beauty of abundance,
Be this beauty of bliss;
Be this here and now.

Breath in,
Breath out;
Breathe in
Our sunset sky across
And
Breathe out
Our eternal rolling rainbow.

 

‘Round and ‘Round: My Final Choice (Playin’ With Trains)

Windfall Feb 4 2015 288

‘Round and ‘round
The Lionel train went
On
The oval track
On
This 13 year-old’s bedroom floor.

Daily, I would stop playin’ with trains,
Disconnect the power pack,
Open my closet door,
Then
Gather the footstool
I had made in shop class
And
Climb onto my gallows
As
I threw the pack
Over the door’s top
And slammed it shut,
Then
Fashioned the cord
Into
Yet another noose
I tightened ‘round my neck.

‘Round and ‘round,
I debated my sentence;
My own condemned man
Tried and convicted
By a judge and a jury
Who shared
My name and my shame
At having
Failed,
Failed,
Failed.

Did I make my final choice?
Did I kick away the stool?
Of course not,
But I never knew for sure
Each time
As I felt so free
In those twilights of my life.

I courted not death then,
But only the promise of being gone
Like Dad;
Only quicker
And not at cancer’s hand.

At 19, a razor I held in my right hand,
The veins in my left arm
Bulging one May morning.
Gone was my Lionel train,
Gone was my mother,
Gone was my family,
Gone was my home,
Gone was my innocence,
Gone was my hope;
All taken away by false saviors.

Alone with the Angel of Death
In a rented room
On Sherwood Street,
I overheard children laughing
On the sidewalk
On their way to school.

‘Round and ‘round,
I saw hellish faces
Of the children and the adults
Who had sent me to Hell’s Door;
I imagined their voices,
And once again felt
Every inflicted pain.

The blade that now scratched me
Was hungry for more of me;
But then I saw
My hand,
And only my hand,
Grasping the razor
As if the steel was
Part of my body;
As if the steel
Was my salvation.

My razor hand was all mine;
No one else’s;
They had all
Taken my everything
Then
Threw me away.

Me?
I had given myself a razor;
Just a razor?

Me?
I had given myself a final choice;
I had chosen death?

Me?
This is what I decided
In response to pain,
In response to suffering,
In response to emptiness
While children walked to school
That sunny morning?

Questions on the edge
Of self-destruction,
Queries from the doomed
That I had never before
Asked now blew apart
My mind and my plans.

The choice now made,
I lowered the useless razor,
I put salve and bandages
On my scratches,
Then embraced
The incredible power that came
From having finally chosen life
Moments before self-annihilation.

Strength is knowing
That
I stepped back from death;
That
I retreated from my brink
Without parents,
Without friends,
Without family,
Without anyone else
But me
And only me.

I alone
(All alone)
Lowered my hand,
Discarded that razor,
Claimed my body and my life,
Becoming alive from that moment onward.

‘Round and ‘round,
Almost four decades hence,
I recall that day
And rejoice with bliss
At the numerous liberations,
At the endless adventures,
At the myriad loving journeys,
At the continuing evolution
I have embraced;
All built upon the foundation
Of my final choice.

 

December 14 2015 Windfall 251

(In a N5 Caboose on The Polar Express with Lillian in December, 2015.)

 

Edmonds Oct 7 2015 058

(In a Superliner on The Empire Builder with Kathy in October, 2015)

 

February 6 2015 Windfall 130

(In a Superliner on The Southwest Limited with David and Alyssa in  July, 1998)

 

Hitler or Jesus Poetic Quiz (Laughing Buddha Knows)

January 2015 Pics Videos 1536 Laughing Buddha

Hitler or Jesus:
Which are you?
(Laughing Buddha knows.)

Shall I
Choose to lie at your feet
And
Worship
The Fuehrer
Or
The Savior?

Will your miracles
Reign
Only over men
Or
Over all of creation?

Hitler or Jesus?
(Laughing Buddha knows.)

Can you save my eternal life
Or
Just my bank account and lifestyle?
I gotta know.

Tell me:
Is your Holiness
All
Self-proclaimed
Or
From God?

Have you ascended from Hell
With mere moments until your final descent
Or
Have you descended from Heaven
With an eternity to spend there?

Hitler or Jesus?
(Laughing Buddha knows.)

Do your words bring truth, love, and salvation
Or
Are they merely deceptions manufactured
To allay my deepest fears?

Do you command vast armies
Or
Battalions of Angels?

Are you motivated by desire
Or
Of salvation and rebirth?

Hitler or Jesus?
(Laughing Buddha knows.)

Laughing Buddha tells me.
He
Is not fooled
By the deceptions
Of
Your followers,
Whether they are working
To
Sanctify your evil
Or
Quoting scripture
To
Justify their own evil.

Love and Gentleness (The Day Before the Day Before)

October 23 2015 024 Cropped

The
Day before
The
Day before,
As
I sat in my den
On
My meditation pillow,
A
Deer visited
Me
During my daily card reading.

A
Totem
Of
Gentle heroism,
Of
Tenderness
And
Patience,
It
Eased into my soul.

“Be gentle to you,”
She
Said as she stood
In
My mind’s eye.

Gentleness:
Patience
Fully embraced,
Love
Sprinkled with tact.

Ah, love!
The
Same morning ritual
Directed
Me to embrace
The
Overflowing Chalice,
The
Endless gifts of love,
Its
Eternal power
To
Heal, bond, evolve.

“Why, of course,”
I
Reasoned to myself,
“This
Is how I live!”
These
Cards were affirmations
And
Nothing more.

Oh, that
Day
Before
The
Day
Before
Soon
Brought upon my path
So
Many varieties
Of
Frustration
(From
Both self and others)
As
I felt my pulsing rising
With
Self-blaming
At
Not having accomplished
All
I had set out to do,
All
I had determined to do,
All
That had to complete.

Frustration
Upon
Frustration
Built
As calls went unanswered,
Things
Broken stubbornly refused repair,
And
All plans slowly froze
Into
A crescendo of nagging inertia
And
Incompleteness
As
Too many clocks kept ticking.

Those cards, reminders
Of
That morning’s contemplation,
Sat
Near my meditation pillow
And
My peripheral eyes
Did
Catch sight of them
As
I hurried past in the hall.

Instead
Of giving myself
Into
Further disappointment
Or
Allowing assertiveness
To
Flare into self-aggression,
I
Stopped.
I
Stopped
And
Sat on the meditation pillow.
I
Meditated
And
Recalled the lessons
Of
The overflowing chalice
And
The still deer.

Thus reminded
Of
Myself beyond
The
Niggling waking world,
I
Allowed myself
To
Be an imperfect human
And
Feel rejoice (AGAIN)
In
The perfect gifts
Of
Love and gentleness.

Embracing laughter,
I
Visited my logic
And
Realized
I had accomplished
Much;
I had done all
That
I could given
All
That filled my path.

I must endeavor
To
Allow myself
To know
Love and gentleness
As
Lasting gifts
From
The
Day before
The
Day before.

Breaking Gravity (Breaking Drag)

PHX to PHL to ELM October 11 2015 028

Held down by our heaviness,
The drag of our inertia,
The weight of our fears,
The burden of our baggage,
We stay tight to our world.
We fight to remain not only grounded
But so firmly attached to our idea of life
That movement is impossible.

In the laws of spiritual metaphysics,
Propulsion and lift
Overcome
Gravity and drag.

Propel, propel, propel!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By all you have achieved,
By the infinite ways
You’ve
Survived and thrived
When
Measured ONLY against you!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By the love and other gifts
You
Are giving!
Allow yourself
To
Be propelled
By your drive to be, love, and grow!

Lift, lift, lift!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted
By those who love you
Whether
They be animal, human, or spirit!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted
By the gifts you are receiving!
Allow yourself
To
Be lifted by those who
Believe in you (even when you won’t)!

Build your runway
From your dreams
To run down
At full speed,
With all your passion,
With all your energy,
With all your faith and surrender!

Sleek and streamlined,
Feel the air glide
Over
Your body, mind, soul, and life
And create a cushion beneath you:
Watch your wheels lift off,
Watch your ground break away,
Watch your old world fall away,
And
Watch your sky approach!

The Lynx, The King, The World (Lights within Shining)

July 14 2015 Sedona and Phoenix 093

The lynx, the king, the world
(Lights within shining):
No simple trio,
These three
Making themselves known
In
A brilliant burst
Of
Light
Like a volcanic rainbow
Descending
From the Heavens,
Ascending
From the Earth:
Heaven to Earth,
Earth to Heaven
Celestial current
Passing through
Me,
A spiritual wire my body.

Behold
The spirit manifesting
The lynx,
The king,
The world.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Voices within calling):
Asking within
Telling within
Showing within
Faster and faster
The insights they bring
Tickle my consciousness
And
Move me beyond thinking
Move me beyond knowing
Move me beyond the mundane
And
Immerse me
In the profound stillness
Of this moment unending.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Awareness within emerging):
The secrets within
The secrets without
The secrets of past
The secrets of now
I
See in the faces
Of
Strangers no more,
I
Hear in the unspoken whispers
Of
Wounded children healing,
I
Touch in the flesh
Of
Still weeping souls.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Trumpets within blaring):
The song within
The dance within
The wonder within:
Be aware
How it connects
The you
To
The me
Vibrating
Vibrating
Vibrating like waves
Across
This universe’s spectrum.

The lynx, the king, the world
(Wonder within growing):
The eternal immersion
In
The
World of wonder
So
Taken by the what ifs,
So
Taken by the how thens,
So
Taken by the new worlds
Opening
All around me.
I,
No longer the hermit
No longer ashamed
No longer desperate
No longer
The lone
Prisoner
Of
My prisoner’s perspective:
HA
HA
HA!

The lynx, the king, the world
(Limbs within moving):
Dancing among abundance
Celebrating
All
That is good,
All
That is right,
All
That is blissful
As
The tower collapses
And
Brings
Evolution,
Bliss,
Redemption.

With Love

With Love 6 23 15

With love
I cleanse
This house of yours,
Banishing evil spirits
And
Erasing their residue
As white light
Bathes its walls.

With love
I embrace
This body of yours,
Sending bliss
As white light
Cascades
All around you.

With love
I enter
This world of yours
Allowing you
To love
And
Be loved.

With love
We join
Our paths
And grow together:
We are The Lovers.

Wind Sky Tree

Sunset Sedona June 22 2015

Wind sky tree
Wind sky tree
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Wind sky tree
Wind sky tree
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Wind sky tree
Wind sky tree
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Wind sky tree
Wind sky tree
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Wind sky tree
Wind sky tree
Be
Be
Be