Victory (For The Suicidal)

 

Pain
Obscures golden sunrise
And
Crisp winter air
That
Once invigorated me
Like
The sound of giggling children
And
The warmth of a baby
Sleeping on my chest

Sadness
Gloom
Both cloaking me
You
All that moves
Through decaying consciousness
Lies
They both feed me
Regrets
Of past selves
Visions
Of upcoming tragedies
So
Obviously impending
So
Completely deserved

Who
What
Are I to stop the inevitable
Where
I am less than nothing
When
There is no place
Left
For me to go

Pain
Building to a crescendo
Of
Unpardonable Guilt
Of
Irrevocable shame
Of
Suffocating self-pity

You
You
And you
I have to live for
Me
I have to live for
Dreams
I have to live for
Writing
I have to live for

Today
Is just one day
Nothing
More or less
Nothing
Worth dying for

NO
NO
NO
These will not be
Moments
When I spill my blood
Or
Stop air from my lungs
Not
On this day
Not
In this life

YES
I will dismantle my gallows
YES
I will lower my razor
YES
I will leave my death chamber
AND
Never again return
EXCEPT
In glorious memories
CELEBRATING
My greatest victory
Over
My greatest pain
And
My greatest isolation

Faith
Kept and grown
In
Myself is now
My
Gift to you

Know
Your wisdom
That
Only comes from walking
Along
That collapsing cliff
And
Pulling yourself back
From
Your steepest brink

Embrace
Strength that comes
From
Accepting vulnerability
And
Discarding self-imposed
Shame
So that you may
Feel
The golden sunrises
Breathe
The crisp air
And
Walk our living path

RECOVER
On our path
REJOICE
In our triumph
EMBRACING
Our journey

Copyright © 2019 by John David Higham: All Rights Reserved
Photo: Reaching for Clouds (July, 2019)

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